People often ask me, “Are your parents proud of you?” I always reply, “I’m sure they are.” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I was being interviewed last week, when the interviewer asked, “Did you have a happy childhood? Because if you didn’t, maybe that’s what drove you to become a comedian.” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

There’s only one thing that interests me about Will and Kate, and that’s the way both paid tribute to Kate’s parents when they announced their engagement. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

A few months ago, I met a man at a party. “Are you married?” he asked. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

My mum has packed her bags and gone to Mecca for a month on her own, leaving my dad at home by himself. It reminded me of the scene from the film Shirley Valentine when the husband comes home to find Shirley has packed up and gone. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I received a birthday card from my parents. It came through the post in a big pink envelope with my dad’s handwriting on it and had a first-class stamp. But my dad still felt the need to scrawl “FIRST CLASS” across the top of the envelope. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I’m in San Francisco and it’s my birthday. My mum calls and sings Happy Birthday down the phone. It’s so sweet, my 65-year-old mother singing to me, out of tune in her croaky Pakistani accent. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I was doing a show in Birmingham last week when I asked the audience, “Any divorced people in? ” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

While doing a show in Paris the other week, I was asked if I wanted to go to the Moulin Rouge. I was curious, so I said yes. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I’m in Paris. The other day, I was standing at the grave of Jim Morrison, taking a photo, when a voice behind me said, “Would you like me to take a photo of you with the grave?” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

It’s amazing the time I spend with people I don’t like. We can’t choose our family, so we are forced to like them, tolerate them or pretend we’re not really related. But we can choose our friends, so I wonder why I have so many “friends” I don’t like. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I’m with a friend in a restaurant in Greece. On the next table there’s a family on holiday – two children with their parents. The kids are on their iPhones and the parents are on their BlackBerrys. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

Last week I met this man who was 20 years older than me. I asked him, “Do you have any children?” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I was watching an improvised comedy show last week in an audience of 400. Next to me were a couple who’d brought along their nine-year-old son. Whenever one of the comedians used a word the child didn’t understand, he’d shout very loudly, “Dad, what does that mean?” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

It’s strange the ideas teenage boys have about their mothers. I was doing a show recently, in a very small, hot room. All of a sudden a woman started screaming, “I’m going through the menopause! I need to sit by the fan.” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

My parents always said, “Dream big and be the best.” I spent my childhood dreaming – it got me through the bad times. Then I became a teacher, and I encouraged my pupils to dream. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I am performing my new show at the moment. Every night someone will come up to me afterwards and say, “Have your parents been to see you, or your brothers and sisters? What do they think?” Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I went to a funeral this week. The person who died was young. It was an Islamic funeral, so the body is washed by close female relatives – mother, sister, aunts – then covered in white cloth and placed in an open coffin. Family and friends can walk around it, pray and see their loved one for the last time. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I’m in Amsterdam, and I went to visit the Anne Frank house. There was a short film being shown of Otto Frank, Anne’s father. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

This week was the final part of my brother’s wedding – a civil ceremony at a register office, then an evening reception at the top of Centre Point in London. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

This week was the second part of my brother’s wedding, known as the nikah, where the legal contract is signed before entering an Islamic marriage. It took place in a marquee in the bride’s house. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

Friday was part one of my brother’s wedding. It’s called the Mehndi, where female relatives apply hennato the hands of the bride. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

My parents know about the lives their children lead, but don’t really understand what this entails. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

My brother is getting married. You’d think my parents would be jumping from the rooftops with excitement. After all, this is the moment they’ve been waiting for all their lives. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I was in the supermarket the other day and two women in front of me were talking about Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I am in Cyprus, performing my new show to an audience of expats, among them a big group of divorced women on a night out. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I am in Palm Springs, California. It is like being at GAY on a Saturday night. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

Here in Hollywood I have joined a gym. Time usually drags while working out, but not in this gym. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

The other night, I was invited to dinner at a film producer’s home in Hollywood. I always feel uncomfortable having dinner at other people’s and sitting around a table in that “family” environment. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”

I am in LA. I have been here only three days but already I’ve been told that I look fat, frumpy and need to see a dermatologist. Continue reading “Shazia Mirza: Diary of a disappointing daughter”